Cho and Harry's First Date
by Liviana Black
Summary: Harry and an incredibly drunk Cho end up in a closet. a little Slash. Watch out for wild animal sex and pick axes.


Authors note: Hello everyone! This isn't like what I normally write, but I had some help from my fellow HP maniac, dancingbaby9, and we came up with this around 11:30 at night so..BEWARE!!!! WARNING! If you hate the idea of Cho and Harry together, read this. If you have a sick mind that lives in the gutter, and THRIVES there, read this. If it is about midnight and your just two Iowan girls who have nothing better to do than grouse yourself out and get high off air .Read this. This is extremely Nasty!! If any of these conditions apply then you can read this. If not...we warned you.. Harry left Hagrid's cabin and made his way back to the castle. It was a full moon and it cast a silvery light on the grounds. Harry looked toward the lake and saw a figure silhouetted in the moon light staggering towards him. Harry drew his wand and made his way to the figure. As he got closer he could see that it was Cho Chang, but she was swaying and Harry knew something was wrong with her.  
  
"Cho?" he yelled and she swung her head upward. "Hharry? Wow, didn see ya over there." She gave a big wave. "Is something wrong, Cho?" he said as they came within a step of each other. "Why Harry, wouldya think somets wrong? " she said and threw herself over him. Harry almost choked on the smell of alcohol on her breath. Cho was stone drunk. "Cho, we better get you in the castle," Harry said, being his normal valiant hero type self. "Weally, Harrywary?" Cho said, in a drunken daze. "Yes Cho," Harry said leading her up to the castle They entered the castle, Cho talking loudly. "I alwaysed liked ya, ya know, Cedric was just really good in the sack. He had a big (censored) must be from being a athlete like him. What was I talking about, oh yeah, Cedric. He was really good in the sack, but I like you better. Cedric was great. To bad he's dead now. He's as dead as a door nail, gone to the great beyond, probably knocking up all the angles. I always liked ya, ya know. With your big muscles you probably have a huge." (WARNING: If it wasn't nasty already it defiantly will be. Beware!!) By the time they reached the castle, Cho was laughing madly while climbing all over Harry who, by now, was feeling quite uncomfortable. "Cho, be quiet, or Filch will hear us!" Harry said as he pulled Cho off his back. He pulled her towards the grand stare case and began to climb.  
  
"Aww, come'n Harry. Live a little." she slurred. When Harry didn't answered her she walked behind him until about half way up the stairs when she suddenly grabbed Harry's butt with both hands. Harry gasped and jumped while Cho laughed.  
  
"Cho!" Harry yelled. Then he saw a light coming from the bottom of the stairs. Harry put his had on Cho's mouth to make her stop laughing.  
  
"Did you hear that my sweet? I thought I heard a student out of bed. I pity the little rat that's up wandering around." said a wheezy voice.  
  
Harry crouched low against the stair hopping that Filch hadn't seen him. "Cho be quiet. or Filch will catch us!" Harry hissed because Cho was still giggling.  
  
"I don't see anyone" Cho said. Harry was wondering how she could see anything with her eyes half closed when she grabbed his butt again. Harry, taken by surprise, gasped loudly and Cho laughed as hard as ever.  
  
"Hey you! Get down here you rotten students! I'll get you!" Filch said running up the stairs.  
  
Harry put one hand on Cho's mouth and one around her waist to guid her down a hall way as fast as he could manage. He found a closet and pushed Cho in then quickly closed the door behind him. Cho sat down on the ground while Harry whipped his palm on his robes because Cho had been licking it.  
  
"OOOOOh Harry, can I read your palm?" she whispered loudly stretching her hands toward him.  
  
"Ok, ok just be quiet." Harry sat down and put his hand on his knee. At least it would keep her quiet. Cho stared hard at it.  
  
"Which one?" she asked.  
  
"The middle one." Harry replied. Cho nodded and placed her hand on his running her finger up and down his palm.  
  
"Harry, too have the shortest life line I've ever seen." she began. Harry rolled his eyes. "But," and she looked closer, "it seems to be intertwined with someone else's." Her hand slid off his palm and made its way up his leg slowly. "Could it be...MINE?!" seconds before her hand reached its destination Harry jumped up but Cho was right on him. She slammed in into the wall then came at him like a bulldozer. "Don't you know what this means Harry?" Harry struggled to get free but Cho held him against the wall. "It means we have to have WILD ANIMAL SEX RIGHT NOW!" she yelled kissing him franticly and sliding her hands up his robes and trying to undo his pants.  
  
"CHO STOP!" Harry yelled as Cho proceeded to licking his neck and under his ear. He pushed her down and opened the closet door. Cho grabbed onto his leg as he tried to run.  
  
"WE CANN'T IGNOR FATE HARRY! Don't you wanna have WILD ANIMAL SEX WITH ME!?" she yelled pulling down his pant leg. Harry broke free and, while pulling up his pants, slammed right into Filch. Harry didn't stop to look, he took off down the hall but he didn't get far before...  
  
"Oh, Harry I knew you wanna have sex with me." Cho said. Harry turned around to see Filch being dragged into the closed, waving his arms trying to prevent the inevitable. Cho, whose eyes were closed from being drunk, pulled off Filches shoes and rolled up his pant legs and began to lick her way up his feet and hairy legs before closing the closet door. Harry fought the urge to be sick all the way to the Griffindor tower. The next morning, on his way down to breakfast, Filch caught Harry in the hall. "Come with me," Filch said, leading the way to his office. Oh shit, thought Harry, he must have heard Cho in the closet last night. I'm in such deep trouble now. They entered Fitch's office, and Filch locked the door behind them. This can't be good, Harry thought. "You missed some good wild animal sex with Cho last night," Filch started. Harry's eyes widened again. "Cho must have mistaken me for you after you ran off." Harry almost gagged. Cho must have been really drunk to mistake Filch for him. "The only bad part is that my lover, Snape, caught us. You might want to watch out, if he catches you, he's going to use the pick ax treatment on you. Actually, it feels pretty good once you get use to it." Harry dry heaved. "Oh yeah, you better go." Harry high tailed it out of Filch's office as fast as possible, and made it to the Great Hall. He took a place between Ron and Hermione. Good thing the day could get any worse, Harry thought. He spoke to soon because as he was about to start to eat, Cho came up to him. "Harry," she said, "after our wild animal sex last night, I found these pants in the closet. Funny thing is that their Filch's." Cho stood there, wanting an explanation as Ron and Hermione turned to him with discussed and curios looks. A/N: Sorry about that folks. I usually don't like slash but this story was meant to be sickenly funny. So know how grouse are. 1 to 10 1 I've read worse 10 the sickest thing I've ever read. 


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